Hivemind Times Issue #37

Welcome To The Hivemind Times!

Happy day to all of those who celebrate! Today is a special one, it is not only the 37th issue of the Hivemind Times, it is also day 2 of the NFL draft, where young men in suits get to shake Roger Goodell’s big meaty paw. It is also Al Pacenis’s birthday so go send him an email or something, it might be his last :/. All that aside, I would like to thank you all for continuing to read what is most definitely the greatest piece of newsletter available to the public. 

This week is sure to be lathered up in all that good shit you are craving and NEEED. So go forth read on and be brave. And don’t worry, there are more videos with Mr. Wardell on the way and Cheap Seats is beginning to rev back up - a lot to be excited about around here. 

God Bless each of your families and even your pets!

- Riley & Graydon

WEEKLY PLAYLIST

A complete random hour of music that could enhance a walk around the blooming life of spring.

CRONK’S UPDATE

hey all,

as some of you know, i make music under the name rosevile sucks. this week, i’m launching the rosevile sucks discord  a place where i hope to share sad, intimate feelings and talk about the simple yet strangely complex path of life.

oh and we can also talk about emo music like algernon cadwallader, working on cars, david lynch movies, and whatever anyone thinks is cool.

i’m not super savvy with discord, so if you’re down to help make it a cooler space to hang out and chat about art give it a join here.

- Cronk

VIDEO GAMES

Cronk here again bringing you this week's gaming segment.

I honestly don’t give a shit about a single Nintendo game, they’re cool but I like Skate and Guitar Hero. Though I’ve never had the opportunity to buy a console at launch. At midnight on April 24th, the Switch 2 presale went live. I refreshed the Gamestop, Walmart, Target and Best Buy websites for 2 hours and somehow managed to get one.

The Switch 2 is interesting because it’s Nintendo’s most expensive console, but also their first time really making something that can play more intensive games. They’re saying it’s similar in performance to an Xbox Series S only for double the price! It’s still cartridge-based, has a nicer screen, and supposedly the Joy-Cons won’t drift instantly. 

The only game I really plan on playing is the Tony Hawk 3+4 Remaster, but the launch titles actually look really good. Mario Strikers for GameCube is dropping on the Switch 2 with some sort of online function, and that game is an absolute banger. There’s also a new Metroid, a Donkey Kong remake, a Zelda game that looks sick but I would need to take an insane amount of adderall to focus on.

Either way I'm hyped to be a part of something, Will check back in the week of June 5th to review it.

- Cronk

QUINN’S CHEMISTRY CLASS

Hi everyone, this is Quinn from Hivemind. I am recording this with speech to text on Nick’s phone. I don’t feel like writing about chemistry today.

I wanted to talk about my really awesome vape today. It’s the best one on the market for the money, and it causes the least amount of cancer—which is usually what I look for in a vape.  

I like to go to this head shop that also sells my kratom because I can get everything in one place. You know, I love a good one-stop shop. I usually pick the orange color because it makes me hungry, like McDonald’s—their logo is orange. After I pick up my vape from my local shop, I also grab some kratom just to balance me out.  

Anyway, back to the vape.

Unlike other vapes, the Raz vape has Boost Mode and Beach Mode (it's just a picture of a beach), and you can change the custom theme, which is pretty awesome. I don’t think any other vape can do that.  

I have a running theory that eventually, Apple is gonna put out their own vape, but we have to wait for the US to deregulate (*booooo*). You’ll have to go to Canada if you want the Apple Vape.  

Also, I hope Elon Musk dies soon. 

Anyway, back to the vape.

Did you know that some vapes contain benzoic acid, like the Breeze, which causes cancer when it’s consumed? Well, guess what doesn’t have that terrible chemical in it? The Raz.

Speaking of Elon Musk, I want him to die because he cheated in Path of Exile and told everyone he had a top 20 hardcore character, but it was actually being piloted by a Chinese guy that Elon was paying for.

He should also die because he doesn’t know anything about rockets and didn’t invent Tesla. He’s not even the real founder—he just bought it from someone else. All the engineers do the actual work, while Musk just pretends to be smart.  

On top of that, he ruined the economy by telling Trump to do those tariffs.

Meanwhile, China has a space station called Tiangong. They had one like 20 years ago, but it was small and sucked. Now they have a big one made up of three separate stations.  

I know a lot about China’s space program, and here’s my favorite word in Mandarin: 酒店.  

Let me know your favorite Chinese food order in the comments below—and don’t forget to hit subscribe!

Also, this is what I think happens when we die:

- Quinn

THINGS I’VE STOLEN FROM THE HIVEMIND STUDIO

As a stream mod for Hivemind, I get to pop into the studio every now and then as a stream guest and to work on videos. Ever since my first visit, I’ve been playing the greatest game in the world- stealing stuff without getting caught. It’s so easy and honestly a little addictive. My heist mentality has started consuming my visits here, but at least I’ve gotten some cool things out of it. Don’t tell anyone.

- Kait

Straw from the plant

Djembe

Hank’s dog bed

100K subs plaque

Microphone

Anthony Cronk

MERCH